As a massive MMA (mixed martial arts) fan, I am constantly defending the sport to people who are either uninformed or just looking to bust my balls.  Either way, I usually get pretty riled up and some how always end up just calling the person a name. Yes, my tactics haven’t changed since kindergarten.  One of my friends, Darkman, is a HUGE boxing fan and is only somewhat interested in MMA and more than anything just LOVES the fact he can rile me up whenever he wants.  One of his big complaints is the fact that anyone can beat anyone and usually 80% of the fights are just dudes laying on each other doing nothing.

 So coming into the fights a few weekends ago, I invited the DarkMan over to my mansion to take in  the fights on my 150″ HD TV. (See: one bedroom shoebox apartment and 32″ tube TV) and after checking with EVERYONE else and seeing there were just no other options, he obliged to join me.  After a few beers and some less than impressive fights, he started in about guys just laying on each other blah blah blah…That’s when I really stepped in it, “Wait till Anderson fights, then they be some excitement”.  He agreed and said that was the only fight he was looking forward too, were we EVER wrong.

In his first fight back since his weird, jitterbugging fight against Patrick Cote, I figured Anderson would have to just come in and decimate Thales Leites to shut everyone up and show them who’s boss.  Instead Anderson just sort of proved he seemed to like doing the jitterbug a hell of a lot more.  Sure, every time he tried to engage his opponent, Leites would just drop to his ass and lay there in the “GoatDiesel Defensive Position” but for me that is no excuse.  If you are the “pound for pound” best fighter in the world, shouldn’t you be able to hang with anyone, anywhere in the cage, including the ground?  I have NEVER seen another fighter stay away from another fighter the way Leites did but I have also never seen a fighter who was supposed to be the best stay away as well.  I truly think if that was GSP, he would have given up and engaged Thales on the ground, I would say the same for BJ Penn AND Fedor and those 3 have to be the other guys on tops of anyone’s list.

So what is the problem with Silva then?  I’m glad you asked.  I honestly think he is both bored and pissed off.  Bored with having to deal with completely inferior opposition just so fans can watch him fight every few months.  And pissed off for, having to deal with completely inferior opposition just so fans can watch him fight every few months.  Why the UFC doesn’t wait a few months and give ”Spider” some real competition at Middleweight is a mystery to me!  It’s not as if the division is empty, they gave Rich Franklin 2 shots at him, why not Nate Marquardt or Okami?  Sure he fought Nate the Great before but it was 2 years ago and Nate truly looks like a new and far better opponent now a days.  Okami is an very interesting fight as well because he was the last person to “beat” Anderson Silva.  I used quotations because it was actually a disqualification for an illegal kick that DQ’ed Silva and gave Okami the win.  Both of these guys are by far the best in the weight class in the UFC, besides Silva of course, so why keep throwing him guys that aren’t even in the Top 10 of the weight division?  Because, I believe the UFC does get greedy and figures as long as you throw a guy of Silva’s calibre you are going to get fireworks and you are going to get ratings.  Unfortunately for the fans, there was no gun powder on Montreal on the 18th.

Now it has been disclosed that Anderson Silva will face Forrest Griffin at 205lbs on August 8th.  WHY?  Sure, its probably going to be the 3rd most anticipated fight that has been official announced to take place this year, GSP vs, Thiago Alves and Brock vs. Frank Mir) but to me it doesn’t make sense.  If Anderson’s last two fights were at 185lbs and he either decimated top contenders or had a couple of wars, this fight makes sense.  But coming off of two of the weirdest fights I have ever witnessed?  Doesn’t make sense to me to put him up at 205lbs.

 For those of you that don’t know, the UFC, unable to find Silva formidable competition at his “natural” weight class of 185lbs, let the very talented fight move up to 205lbs, while they went searching for anyone who would give the champ a challenge.  In his only fight at the 205lb weight class, Anderson looked pretty impressive. In his debut he took on the very heavy handed James “the Sandman” Irvin that has unreal KO power.  That fight lasted a total of 61 seconds before Silva caught a kick from Irvin with one hand and then knocked him out with his other hand.  Yes, he is THAT GOOD.

Make NO mistake, Forrest Griffin is no Thales Leites or James Irvin, this man is a legit ex-champion at 205lbs and VERY GAME.  I will bet the farm you don’t seem Forrest dropping to his ass unless its either a joke or because Anderson puts him there.  Forrest is a serious striker with a concrete chin and with his debut in the UFC, a war with Stephan Bonnar, he helped put the UFC and MMA in the mainstream with his heart and determination.  The winner of season 1 of The Ultimate Fighter, Griffin is a VERY popular fighter and is no doubt very excited to be the guy who gets to make Silva actually HAVE to fight someone.

If Silva beats Griffin, the UFC almost HAS to give him a title shot or at least a fight with Rampage Jackson or the loser of Lyoto Machida and “Sugar” Rashad Evans.  If Silva loses, keep him at 185lbs, throw him a good challenge and if he handles them easily then throw him and GSP together and let’s truly find out who the best pound for pound fighter in the world is.

Peace!

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Today marks a day I have been waiting to come for almost 6 months, George St. Pierre vs. BJ Penn.  It seems like only yesterday I was throwing back my first beer during UFC 93 and now I am already back to give you my always spot on predictions! Right now I am 4 for 9 on my predictions but don’t worry, I will go 100% tonight (wink wink nudge nudge).

As always, I will only discuss the fights that are going to be televised and give you the leg up on your boy, girl, or like me, imaginary friends, that you have bets against for the fights tonight.

Main Event: 170lbs George ” I need a new nickname” St. Pierre vs. BJ “Lil’ Buddha” Penn

Finally, a fight people can get excited for!  The #1 welterweight in the world vs. the #1 lightweight in the world.  Although this is a dream match up, I hate how it came to fruition. I will do a quick recap for those of you that may not know.  After GSP decimated, in my eyes, his biggest competition in Jon Fitch, fat little BJ waltz’s into the ring like he often does and stops the celebrations early.  He then continues to let Dana White and the rest of  the world know that he not only doesn’t respect anything except Hawaii but he also thinks 3 seconds is long enough for GSP to find his next opponent, himself.  I truly think the UFC treats their Welterweight champion poorly and this is just another example of that treatment. First you make a reality show where any dude who can beat some other nobody’s gets the chance to become the welterweight champion.  Then you let a loud mouthfrom ANOTHER weight division walk in to the Octagon and challenge your champion 3 seconds after he just went 5 rounds with a REAL contender.  If this pisses me off, imagine what it did to St. Pierre.  

Keys to victory:  I don’t think there is a bigger polar opposite of two fighters then that of Penn and St. Pierre.  Penn does a lot and I mean A LOT of trash talking and gloating, while GSP does his talking IN the cage (imagine that) and never gloats.  I think this fight is going to come down to 1 of 2 things, conditioning or a weak chin.  If it comes down to conditioning I HAVE to give this fight to GSP.  He is a super athlete and probably the best conditioned fighter in the game. While BJ on the other hand is not known for his conditioning and regardless if hes not a fatty coming into this fight, I think he’ll still be gassed if this baby makes it to the third round. The second option is the questionable chin of GSP and you can thank Matt Serra for that question even arising.  BJ Penn is a great boxer, so this makes it even tougher for St. Pierre and his shaky chin.

And the winner is:I have always been a believer that the more trash you talk the more scared you are so…GSP 4th round TKO!  EFF YOU BJ!!!

205lbs: Lyoto “Defence” Machida vs. Thiago “Scary as hell” Silva

I am very excited for this fight as well, you have another two fighters that are just about as different as two guys could be.  Machida and Silva are both 13-0 and Brazilian but that is where the similarities end.  Machida is a very quiet and VERY elusive fighter with knock out power and some crazy ass karate skills.  While Silva is a really effing scary dude that isn’t scared to take a chance and punch your head off into the 4th row.  I think this fight is under rated by most fans and will end up being a wicked brawl that might be fight of the night.

Keys to victory:  Machida  isn’t going to surprise anyone with his tactics in this fight because he is such a calculated and elusive fighter, it would be stupid for him to change up anything now.  If you haven’t seen this guy fight before get ready for something you may never seen from anyone else.  He comes off boring but for hardcore fans he is a big time pleasure to watch. With his elusive defensive style he really annoys fighters until they snap and make a mistake.  Silva on the hand, pressures fighters into making mistakes by scaring the shit out of them and then capitalizing with repeated punches to the face, just ask Houston Alexander.

And the winner is: Machida submission round 3.

205lbs: Stephan “American Psycho” Bonnar vs. Jon “Who” Jones

Fresh off a suspension from alleged steroid use, Bonnar looks to reclaim his glory days in possibly his last fight in the UFC.  If you have watched the UFC before, you should almost thank Bonnar, he was one half of a fight that probably saved the UFC.  Back in ‘05, two weird looking dudes went at it for 3 rounds in one of the most exciting fights I have seen in the 8 sided cage and one of those weird dudes was Bonnar.  Since then he has gone 5-2 in the octagon before getting suspended and this is his first fight back and I believe he has to win it to stay in the UFC.  Now Bonnar’s opponent, Jon Jones, is another story and its a story I don’t know.  I have honestly never seen this guy fight but I do know he is 7-0, so that’s something right?  From what I have read he likes to punch people and pretty effectively too, out of his 7 wins, 5 of them are by way of KO’s from punches.   If he can end this fight by KO punches, I will move Jones into my Facebook top 5 favourite fighters because Bonnar has a chin made of effing granite.

Keys to victory:  Bonnar NEEDS this win plain and simple. Steroid suspensions are bad and losing after one is even worse because it makes you look like you need the juice to win fights.  If he can stick to his nick name and be a true psycho again I believe he can beat whats his name and come close to reclaiming his spot as gate keeper in the UFC. Jones, nobody knows who you are, so go out there and make them remember you.  Like I said before, Bonnar is an animal with a crazy chin so go for his legs or arms or anything, just hit him hard.

And the winner is:  Bonnar by unanimous decision.

155lbs: Nate “Nasal” Diaz vs. Clay “Crazy ass” Guida

Ever since he appeared on season 5 of the ultimate fighter, I have had a man crush on Diaz.  He’s a shit talker and a he backs it up and I love that about him and his brother.  Diaz actually won season 5 of TUF and all of his fights so far in the UFC and is looking like he may be a contender in the lightweight division very soon and he is fighting one of the gatekeepers tonight, Clay Guida.  If you haven’t seen this guy fight then you have seen heart, Guida is a lion and I mean that just as much for his crazy ass hair as I do for his relentlessness and heart.  This guy puts the pressure on his opponents and NEVER stops, his fight with movie star Roger Huerta was a crazy battle.  He ended up losing the fight in the final round by submission but if it went to the cards that fight would have been a draw because it was a war. 

Keys to victory: There is no doubt both these guys are in GREAT shape, so cardio won’t come into play for either of them.  Guida is a pressure man and Diaz seems to get better as the fight gets tougher, so it might work against Clay if he pressures too hard and gets caught in one of Nate’s crazy ass submissions.  Guida does have one thing going for him though and that would be Nate’s overconfidence.  He is known to leave his chin exposed and I don’t think that is from lack of training as much as it from him thinking he can’t be knocked out.  Guida will definitely have to either win by KO or decision because once this baby hits the mat its all Diaz.

Winner: Diaz 3rd round choke out.

170lbs: Karo “Heat” Parisyan vs. Dong Hyun “Stun Gun” Kim

I’ll be honest, I HATE Karo Parisyan and I really have NO idea why the UFC keeps him employed.  He is SO boring, never trains and I don’t think he’s lifted a weight in his life.  Actually, after writing that first sentence I refuse to go on anymore about this crappy fight:

And the winner is: Anybody not watching. Judo throws for 3 rounds until Kim wins by decision and HOPEFULLY it is Karo’s last fight.

Well that’s all folks!  Hopefully my predictions will fair better than in the past and you will all win any bet you make. 

Peace!

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Let’s Get It ON!!!  This weekend UFC 93 is live from the Emerald Isle.  The first event for the UFC in Ireland is shaping up to be a good one, not necessarily for the fair weather fan but for the cage potatoes who know the difference between a gogoplata and an omoplata.  Who am I kidding?  Everyone loves seeing a couple beefcakes get in the Octagon and see who the better man is that day.  

Like I did before The Ultimate Fighter 8 Finale and failed to deliver for “The Ultimate 2008″.  I am going to supply you with my “knowledge” of the fights and give you a leg up on your competition or maybe some background information for those of you that may not know who these guys are.  So let’s get it started, I will only be discussing the fights that are scheduled to appear on TV.

Main Event: 205lbs Dan “Hendo” Henderson vs. Rich “Ace” Franklin

Pop Quiz: What do you get when you put 2 of the nicest guys in a cage against each other? Answer: Hendo vs. Franklin.  In one the weirdest match-ups I can remember, you get Dan Henderson, a nice guy but really justa  gate keeper in the UFC light heavyweight division vs. Rich Franklin a….nice guy and a gatekeeper in the UFC middleweight division.  Like I said, this is a weird fight and one that doesn’t really make sense to me?  If Hendo wins he jumps to…5th in line for the title shot???  And if Franklin wins he winds up somewhere near 7th?  Like I said this is a very strange match up and especially for a main event but I digress, these are two GREAT fighters with some pretty impressive resumes.  Henderson has a hall of fame of fighters under his belt and was once a double belt holder in Pride of Japan in the promotions haydays.  Franklin is no slouch himself.  He was the Anderson Silva of middleweights before well..Anderson Silva performed reconstructive surgery for free on Franklin’s face. Without that loss, Franklin had ran through the whole division and  looked like he couldn’t be stopped. 

Keys to victory: Its no secret “Ace” has about as good take down defence as a folding lawn chair. I am not even sure that metaphor makes sense but this guy needs WORK and Henderson is an unreal wrestler that loves the ground andpound.  Also a disadvantage for Rich is the chin of “Hendo”, that thing is as legendary as Pam Anderson’s twins (there’s a metaphor that works).  If Rich keeps this standing that would be his best chance.  If Henderson wants this on the groundit’s going to the ground and that will be that, snooze fest.

Outcome: Henderson via ugly unanimous decision.

205lbs: Mauricio “Shogun” Rua vs. Mark “Old As” Coleman

Now here is a fight that promise to be the polar opposite of the “Main event” with two guys who really don’t like each other.  The last time these two animals met was in Pride, when Rua fell awkwardly on his arm and snapped it in two ending the match early.  Ever since that controversial decision both these guys have wanted to prove who was the bigger stud and now they get prove it.  Last time UFC fans saw Rua he got out worked by Forrest Griffin and eventually was choked out.  Don’t let that last showing fool you, this guy is GOOD.  Still considered by many to be a top 4 light heavyweight IN THE WORLD, this guy is GOOD!  He once knocked out “Rampage” Jackson and it wasn’t unexpected.  Although fight a 44 year old, SLIGHTY over the hill Coleman,  this is a great chance for “Shogun” to get UFC fans excited about what he has to offer.  Coleman is a UFC legend.  He fought WAY back in UFC 10 and like Henderson this guy has fought EVERYONE. Fedor twice, Mirko Crocop, Antonio Nogueira even Dan Severn for crying out loud.  This guy is legit and also legitimately old as dirt which you would think poses a problem for him against a young phenom like Rua utthat is not the truth in this case.  Rua is younger but not great with the cardio and that may come into play here is Coleman uses his Olympic wrestling background and slowly grinds this fight out.

Keys to Victory: If Rua wants to prove all ney sayers wrong this is not the time to gas out against a 44 year old man.  Get down to business and either knock his block off or break HIS arm instead of your own for a change.  Coleman, you’re a 44 year old cage fighter and you can still sign your own name, good job, now go in there, wrestle this guy until her falls asleep and PLEASE don’t cry and tell your kids “Daddy is ok” because their kids might be there and no one wants to see Grampa cry on TV.

Outcome: Rua submission 2nd round

185lbs: Denis “Ghengis” Kang vs. Alan “The Talent” Belcher

This is Goat’s pick for fight of the night!  This fight (and the Davis/Lytle bout) has 2 fighters that are pretty much just trying to make a name for themselves at their weight class and will definitely end before the cards.  Denis Kang is a new comer to the UFC but not to the world of mixed martial arts or even bare knuckle fighting.  Since getting his start in a Vancouver warehouse bare knuckle chucking, he has put together quite the resume andeven went undefeated from 2004-2006 with 1 no contest.  Alan Belcher is probably one of the cockiest fighters in the UFC, even giving Rashad Evans a run for his ball grabbing money.  This Muay Thai specialist is always a fan favourite because of his exciting fights (albeit he is only 3-3 in the Octagon) he still brings the fun.

Keys to Victory: Kang, YOU DA MAN!  Show all these beautiful Irish people and the rest of the UFC fans why you are one of the most complete fighters in the world and bring the house on this guy, what do you have to lose? Oh yeah your contract. Belcher, you are 3-3 in a sport that forgets you as soon as your lights go out.  You need to go for broke in the match, your only chance is a Muay Thai battle, which you may still lose.  Just pray.

Outcome: Kang 1st round TKO

170lbs: Marcus “The Irish Hand Grenade” Davis vs. Chris “Lights Out” Lytle

Here are 2 guys that BETTER make this fight of the night.  Since he called out Dana White, Marcus Davis has basically but his ass on the line withthis fight.  After Davis’ last win (UFC 89) he begged in the Octagon for a chance to fight in his motherland of Ireland.  Well Davis got his wish and now he is fighting someone who called HIM OUT.  Chris Lytle fighting at the SAME UFC 89 after Davis made his claim for a fight in Ireland, Lytle demanded he be the man to face the Irish Hand Grenade.  Well boys you got your wish but at what price?  If I know Dana White, and I don’t whatsoever, he doesn’t like when someone puts him on the spot andyou both have done that .  So if I were either of you, I would take this fight like a “loser leaves town” and make the other loser leave town.

Keys to victory: Seriously, both of you SWING FOR THE FENCES!

Outcome: I would say *flips coin* Lytle in a decision andboth get dropped from the UFC.

I know there is another fight on the card but I cant spell the one fighters name and I REFUSE to write anything about Jeremy Horn.  Remember the fights are being shown at 3pm ET as well as 10pm ET, so get to you favourite watering hole or in front of the biggest TV you can find and then THANK ME for giving you all a winning day of UFC 93 fantasy.

Peace!

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Tonight marks the finale for season 8 of the UFC and SpikeTV’s wildly successful “The Ultimate Fighter” franchise.  For those of you NOT in the know, the winner of the Ultimate Fighter main events (lightweight and light heavyweight this season) get a 6 figure contract with the UFC and you get to see some sweet action live and free! This show has produced a champion (Forrest Griffin), #1 contenders (Rashad Evans, Kenny Florian) and all out nut jobs (Chris Leben and this season Junie “Bi-Polar” Browning).  As usual, to culminate the season the UFC puts a free show on SpikeTV (8pm ET) to decide who is the Ultimate Fighter. Mixed along with some usually pretty interesting battles the free card is always a nice treat for the fans, fairweather to hardcore. 

So in what I hope will become a regular post (predceding all buig MMA events) I will break down the matches with my extreme knowledge and research (see: guesses) and try to give you an edge over your buddies when you are putting in your MMA Fantasy picks or playing a drinking game. This time around I will detail the maybe lesser known fighters that are competing from the show and quickly break down the more accomplished fighters that fill the card .  So here we go… (P.S I will only discuss the fights that are to be televised)

Lightweight contract fight: Phillipe “Lil’ Spyda” Nover vs. Efran “Eff U” Escudero (155lbs)

Since his pass out session in the first episode, Nover has been making a name for himself as well as making people pass-out, by way of punching their brains to sleep and impressing the sh** out of everyone including Dana White, who thinks he may be the next “Anderson Silva”.  If he can continue to show his uncanny ability to make people think because he is a nurse he won’t hurt people and then continue to hurt people very badly, I think he could fair well in this match up.

Escudero has little left  to prove as he has overcome two of the biggest shit talkers (couldn’t hold back) in TUF history, Junie Browning and Shane Nelson.  First, Shane Nelson got drunk and nasally verbally assaulted Efran before their match-up, only to be thoroughly out classed in the Octagon then Efran choked out the Fran Drescher impersonator.  Then continuing his journey into the A-hole hall of fame, Junie jumped into the Octagon after Escudero beat Nelson and proceeded to talk his way into a beating by Efran in a fight to see who would face Nover tonight.

Who’s going to win?: Efran has only shown a good ground game but Nover just received his black belt in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu so theres no advantage there.  I would say Nover shows why he’s the next Spyda and knocks out the stockier Escudero in the 1st round

Light Heavyweight contract fight: Ryan “Master” Bader vs. Vinicius “Maximus” Magalhães (205lbs)

Bader with his frat boy looks and gelled up do really surprised some people in the house with his ability to stay awake while laying on his opponents. An Arizona State wrestler following in the footsteps of last seasons douche bag extraordinaire C.B Dalloway among many others, Bader used his good take down skills in his matches and some solid ground and pound to bore his way to a victory.

Vinny is an unreal Jiu Jitsu specialist with limited stand up skills.  He tries to utilize the lay and prey technique which finally work on his last opponent Krzysztof Soszynski when he caught him in a click arm bar to go to the finale.  Vinny was probably the most hyped fighter to get to the show because of his fight pedigree which made him the second pick of coach Frank Mir.  Assuming he would have been first pick by fellow countryman and idol Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira Vinny was pretty PO’ed and later in the season took it out on the coach in what was probably the most embarrassing war of words between to huge fighters I have ever seen.

Who’s gonna win?:  Seeing as Bader just likes to lay on his opponents and Vinny wants his opponents to come to his domain on the ground.  I see a quick submission by Vinny in the second round sending Bader back to his dressing room to gel up his do and slap some blue steel on the reporters in the post fight conference.

Lightweight fight Junie “Bi-Polar” Browning vs. Dave “Capitals” Kaplan (155lbs)

Junie either came into the show to make a name for himself as the craziest bastard from Kentucky (trust me that’s not an easy task) or he is legitimately bi-polar and my joking nickname is severely insensitive.  Either way the guy is a nut bar and was pretty entertaining and actually showed some promised in his first fight aside from his poor cardio.  Eventually losing the final match to Efran by choke out in the third round Junie vowed to never fight again, then minutes later vowed this wouldn’t be the last time we saw Mr. Browning. 

Dave “Capitals” Kaplan maybe the brightest fighter with the WORST game plan.  Guaranteeing to know the capital of any country in the world, Dave used his large brain to provide some of the best quotes from the show. The times he probably should have used a little more of his grey matter provided the best highlights.  For his fight against Nover, Kaplan thought he would take Phillipe’s best shots chin side then after not being able to be knocked out take over and win the fight.  The only problem? Kaplan was human and while not being knocked out techinically he was about 3 seconds from pressing the snooze button.   The loss fueled a drinking binge Kaplan during which announced he could never be knocked out. Obliging in the request of Kaplan to prove this statement, Kyle Kingsbury (205lbs) punched him in the face and what looked liked killed the much smaller Kaplan, after a short Kingsbury induced nap Kapland emerged to only state he was just kidding.  Truly genius.

Who’s gonna win?: Kaplan may be smarter but Junie is WAY crazier. I think Browning will show up with improved conditioning to what he showed on the show and use his strong chin and good submissions to take Kaplan out in a decision.

Middleweight Fight: Jason “The Athlete” MacDonald vs. Wilson “Fat Ass” Gouveia (189lbs)

Who’s gonna win?: Seeing as Gouveia couldn’t resist snacking in between training, this fight will no longer be at the scheduled middleweight of 185lbs but rather a catch weight of 189.  MacDonald is a very fit Canadian that has always came out and put on good fights and being in the better shape I thing he will prevail.  MacDonald by rear naked choke in the first round.

Welterweight fight: Kevin “Pokey” Burns vs. Anthony “Rumble” Johnson (170lbs)

Who’s gonna win?: This is a rematch with some bad blood and even worse vision.  In their first match, Burns fighting with a broken left hand, repeatedly poked “Rumble” in the eye during their bout which eventually had to be stopped by the referee after Johnson suffered a VERY severe eye laceration that required surgery.  No fully healthy Burns intends on doing damage with a closed fist.  I just think Rumble is too athletic and strong and certainly pissed off to lose this one.  I say Rumble with a flash TKO in the first.

This concludes the first edition of Goat’s guesses.  Hopefully my genius predictions bring you into money or at least a few drinks given out to your sad sack pals.  Good luck to all the fighters tonight as no one hopes to see carnage like the stuff that took place on Wednesday at UFC Fight for the Troops.

Peace!

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