Tonight marks the finale for season 8 of the UFC and SpikeTV’s wildly successful “The Ultimate Fighter” franchise.  For those of you NOT in the know, the winner of the Ultimate Fighter main events (lightweight and light heavyweight this season) get a 6 figure contract with the UFC and you get to see some sweet action live and free! This show has produced a champion (Forrest Griffin), #1 contenders (Rashad Evans, Kenny Florian) and all out nut jobs (Chris Leben and this season Junie “Bi-Polar” Browning).  As usual, to culminate the season the UFC puts a free show on SpikeTV (8pm ET) to decide who is the Ultimate Fighter. Mixed along with some usually pretty interesting battles the free card is always a nice treat for the fans, fairweather to hardcore. 

So in what I hope will become a regular post (predceding all buig MMA events) I will break down the matches with my extreme knowledge and research (see: guesses) and try to give you an edge over your buddies when you are putting in your MMA Fantasy picks or playing a drinking game. This time around I will detail the maybe lesser known fighters that are competing from the show and quickly break down the more accomplished fighters that fill the card .  So here we go… (P.S I will only discuss the fights that are to be televised)

Lightweight contract fight: Phillipe “Lil’ Spyda” Nover vs. Efran “Eff U” Escudero (155lbs)

Since his pass out session in the first episode, Nover has been making a name for himself as well as making people pass-out, by way of punching their brains to sleep and impressing the sh** out of everyone including Dana White, who thinks he may be the next “Anderson Silva”.  If he can continue to show his uncanny ability to make people think because he is a nurse he won’t hurt people and then continue to hurt people very badly, I think he could fair well in this match up.

Escudero has little left  to prove as he has overcome two of the biggest shit talkers (couldn’t hold back) in TUF history, Junie Browning and Shane Nelson.  First, Shane Nelson got drunk and nasally verbally assaulted Efran before their match-up, only to be thoroughly out classed in the Octagon then Efran choked out the Fran Drescher impersonator.  Then continuing his journey into the A-hole hall of fame, Junie jumped into the Octagon after Escudero beat Nelson and proceeded to talk his way into a beating by Efran in a fight to see who would face Nover tonight.

Who’s going to win?: Efran has only shown a good ground game but Nover just received his black belt in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu so theres no advantage there.  I would say Nover shows why he’s the next Spyda and knocks out the stockier Escudero in the 1st round

Light Heavyweight contract fight: Ryan “Master” Bader vs. Vinicius “Maximus” Magalhães (205lbs)

Bader with his frat boy looks and gelled up do really surprised some people in the house with his ability to stay awake while laying on his opponents. An Arizona State wrestler following in the footsteps of last seasons douche bag extraordinaire C.B Dalloway among many others, Bader used his good take down skills in his matches and some solid ground and pound to bore his way to a victory.

Vinny is an unreal Jiu Jitsu specialist with limited stand up skills.  He tries to utilize the lay and prey technique which finally work on his last opponent Krzysztof Soszynski when he caught him in a click arm bar to go to the finale.  Vinny was probably the most hyped fighter to get to the show because of his fight pedigree which made him the second pick of coach Frank Mir.  Assuming he would have been first pick by fellow countryman and idol Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira Vinny was pretty PO’ed and later in the season took it out on the coach in what was probably the most embarrassing war of words between to huge fighters I have ever seen.

Who’s gonna win?:  Seeing as Bader just likes to lay on his opponents and Vinny wants his opponents to come to his domain on the ground.  I see a quick submission by Vinny in the second round sending Bader back to his dressing room to gel up his do and slap some blue steel on the reporters in the post fight conference.

Lightweight fight Junie “Bi-Polar” Browning vs. Dave “Capitals” Kaplan (155lbs)

Junie either came into the show to make a name for himself as the craziest bastard from Kentucky (trust me that’s not an easy task) or he is legitimately bi-polar and my joking nickname is severely insensitive.  Either way the guy is a nut bar and was pretty entertaining and actually showed some promised in his first fight aside from his poor cardio.  Eventually losing the final match to Efran by choke out in the third round Junie vowed to never fight again, then minutes later vowed this wouldn’t be the last time we saw Mr. Browning. 

Dave “Capitals” Kaplan maybe the brightest fighter with the WORST game plan.  Guaranteeing to know the capital of any country in the world, Dave used his large brain to provide some of the best quotes from the show. The times he probably should have used a little more of his grey matter provided the best highlights.  For his fight against Nover, Kaplan thought he would take Phillipe’s best shots chin side then after not being able to be knocked out take over and win the fight.  The only problem? Kaplan was human and while not being knocked out techinically he was about 3 seconds from pressing the snooze button.   The loss fueled a drinking binge Kaplan during which announced he could never be knocked out. Obliging in the request of Kaplan to prove this statement, Kyle Kingsbury (205lbs) punched him in the face and what looked liked killed the much smaller Kaplan, after a short Kingsbury induced nap Kapland emerged to only state he was just kidding.  Truly genius.

Who’s gonna win?: Kaplan may be smarter but Junie is WAY crazier. I think Browning will show up with improved conditioning to what he showed on the show and use his strong chin and good submissions to take Kaplan out in a decision.

Middleweight Fight: Jason “The Athlete” MacDonald vs. Wilson “Fat Ass” Gouveia (189lbs)

Who’s gonna win?: Seeing as Gouveia couldn’t resist snacking in between training, this fight will no longer be at the scheduled middleweight of 185lbs but rather a catch weight of 189.  MacDonald is a very fit Canadian that has always came out and put on good fights and being in the better shape I thing he will prevail.  MacDonald by rear naked choke in the first round.

Welterweight fight: Kevin “Pokey” Burns vs. Anthony “Rumble” Johnson (170lbs)

Who’s gonna win?: This is a rematch with some bad blood and even worse vision.  In their first match, Burns fighting with a broken left hand, repeatedly poked “Rumble” in the eye during their bout which eventually had to be stopped by the referee after Johnson suffered a VERY severe eye laceration that required surgery.  No fully healthy Burns intends on doing damage with a closed fist.  I just think Rumble is too athletic and strong and certainly pissed off to lose this one.  I say Rumble with a flash TKO in the first.

This concludes the first edition of Goat’s guesses.  Hopefully my genius predictions bring you into money or at least a few drinks given out to your sad sack pals.  Good luck to all the fighters tonight as no one hopes to see carnage like the stuff that took place on Wednesday at UFC Fight for the Troops.

Peace!

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