Social Studies in Rec-League Sports: Breaking Down the Guy Code

“Alright, what’s next on the list of typical things to talk about?” Good question, Saul. This signaled the end of the night for our group of friends in another installment of our Wednesday tradition, since we had pretty much covered all the stuff we usually talk about. Every hump day, we meet at the Mainway Complex in Burlington to play in a ball hockey league, and while we may not win every game, the outcome of the night is always the same. After getting changed out of our gear, we all meet in the parking lot for a smoke. I am of the minority of players on our team who does not smoke (maybe that explains our half-assed performances most nights), but in no way would I ever miss out on post-game boon time. It’s a crucial part of the Wednesday night experience.

There are typically four topics of discussion during the post-game smoke, and they almost always come in this order: the game we just played, what’s going on in the sporting world, certain friends who have changed, and any new stories about girls. The last subject of conversation often yields the shortest discussion, unless we are ripping on buddies who are in long-term relationships for being lame. This is a nice way to fill the void, because the guys who are “in wuvvv” and never coming out of it want to live through their single friends and hear about exciting new adventures, but the reality is, most of the time the single guys don’t have anything good to share, so that’s when “Nick missing the game to attend Nadia’s half-cousin’s Italian baby shower” is our go-to material. It’s the first three topics of discussion, however, that say the most about how guys like us (meatheads) rely on sports in our social interaction with friends.

#1 – The Game We Just Played

This discussion usually begins with an assessment of the other team. The angle we take depends on if we won or lost the game. If we won, a good opener is “Yo that team f____n’ sucked!” and then we all make jokes about the other team. Noah, our star defenceman, is an integral part of the conversation because of his genius ability to label players on the other team. Last week after a win against the Raiders, we made fun of characters such as “Guy who looks like a 5-foot exercise ball”, “No Sleeves”, and “Guy who talks too much, and I guess is nice, but I still don’t like him for some reason.” A win always lightens up the post-game chat since we get to re-affirm our dominance over a similar group of males. We don’t know anything about the other team, but the win assures us that we are cooler, more talented, and better looking than those losers.

If we happened to lose the game, the discussion takes a different tone, but usually ends up the same way. Instead of “Yo that team f____n’ sucked!” you’ll probably hear “Yo that team was a bunch of f____n’ fags!” We proceed to complain about dirty plays that the referee never saw, the guys on the other team who were too intense for our liking, and how we would’ve won if it wasn’t for a few bad bounces. Eventually we get to the part where we make fun of certain players on the other team, exactly like we would if we had won (i.e. “That guy’s too fat to play”, “This guy had terrible equipment, he must be poor”, etc). So, basically, it might take a little longer to get there when we lose, but this part of the post-game smoke always ends with us laughing our heads off. Make no mistake about it — even though there’s not a lot of intellect being bantered around in this sport-fueled exchange, the ball hockey boys are bonding.

#2 – A Review of the Week in Sports

The next chapter of conversation tends to inspire more intelligent dialogue. It will start with someone mentioning the dreadful state of our beloved Raptors, for example. Everyone offers an opinion as to whether or not they should trade Chris Bosh, and a lot of good points are made. Right away you can tell we’ve all done our homework on this topic; not because we feel like we have to keep up, but because we all love sports and choose to follow them religiously. Men like us are wired this way. What are we supposed to talk about instead? Our feelings? Eff that.

#3 – Friends Who Have Changed

Someone on the ball hockey team who missed that week’s game for reasons outside of work or family emergency is open season for post-game chirping. Even an injury is not an acceptable excuse sometimes. Recently, our friend Nick missed a game because of a sore back. He was immediately labeled a locker-room cancer, and we’re not sure if we should welcome him back next week. Nick, as any player on our team would, understands he will get chirped behind his back for missing the game and has no choice but to accept it. The next time he shows his face, we will berate him with feelings of disappointment and try to make him feel bad about himself:

“Nick, you’ve changed man… hey guys, remember the days when Nick would actually come to the games? He used to be so cool… Hey Saul, thanks for being at all the games man, you’re a real friend and a great teammate, unlike Nick.”

This continues for several minutes, and while the subject of the chirping does get annoyed, there’s nothing he can do about it. Missing a weekly sporting event is a big no-no, and a repeat offender will be alienated by his friends. Okay, I might be exaggerating a bit. We chirp our friends because we love them and we’re upset when we don’t get to see them at our Wednesday tradition. We rarely admit this because it wouldn’t be manly. Instead, we have fun at their expense.

For my group of friends, it’s quite clear that sports provide the platform on which real bonding takes place. Sports give us something to do together as a team and something to talk about when we’re just hanging out. They’re a huge part of the relationships I have with most of my friends. That being said, it’s not surprising that sports will also cause some nonsensical fights where friendships are jeopardized. More on that next week…